REACH OUT #antibullyingweek22

The relationship between bullying and suicidal ideation is complex. It is often mediated buy a build- up of various factors such as depression, abuse, low self-esteem, isolation, poor schooling and anxiety (including health anxiety) Hence why evidence suggests that there is a higher possibility of suicidal ideation when there are co-existing risk factors. 

Behavioral and emotional trauma experienced at a young age, including bullying, can persist into adulthood due to chronic exposure to negativity Therefore, exposure to bullying at a young age can have a long-lasting consequence. Deciding who is at higher risk of suicidal ideation in relation to bullying behavior- the victim of bullying, the perpetrator of bulling, or the individual who is involved with both- is an on-going debate. Children and adolescents who are victims of bullying, and those who bully others, experience a higher risk for suicidal ideation and disruptive behavior. Whether a direct or indirect cause of suicidal ideation, bullying is becoming an increasing threat to the mental health and overall well-being of all ages. 

Bullying carries the implicit message that aggression and violence are acceptable solutions to resolving problems, when they are not. Bullying is also not an acceptable outlet to voice any jealousy or envy which you have for others. Bullying not only harms it's victims, but it also harms the perpetrators themselves. Most bullies have a downwardly spiraling course through life, as their aggressive behavior interferes with learning, holding a job, and establishing and maintaining intimate relationships. People bully because it can be an effective way of getting what they want, at least in the short term; because these individuals lack the social skills to do so without harming others. Bullying also is a way of establishing social dominance in a form of attention, which becomes an increasingly dysfunctional way of gaining what you lack.

My Mental Health journey started due to copious years of bullying. This was as a child at school & in adult relationships; gaslighting & manipulation. I share it to inspire. I share to aid in the understanding that no matter how critical life can get, Mental Health support when actioned early is a huge positive intervention, which if I hadn't had myself, I wouldn't be writing this today. 

I know firsthand what it’s like to be bullied. I went into school every day. Faced it & I didn't miss one. I would be sick outside the gates, but I was so determined to get what I could out the school education I had left. Unfortunately, the bulling took control of that. I got locked in cupboards, my lunched stollen, my clothes taken, my hair set on fire and slapped many times. I lost all concentration in education which meant that my grades took the punishment. Even some of my teachers voiced that there was no hope for me. But I kept trying despite the verbally and physically hurt which was because of who I was.... Because of the colour of your hair. Because of whom your parents were. Because you lived in a big house. Because you were taken on holidays, given gifts or even worse, because you were good at something. For 90% of my teenage years, I feel lost. I had no idea who I was. I felt worthless, unlikable, disconnected, ashamed of myself. I was so low that life just didn't seem worth it & I attempted to end it. 

Being bullied was an experience which I now look back on & in reflection know it was part of my journey. It built a strong hate for life at that moment in my life. I struggled to deal with the horrible emotional turmoil I was faced with daily. I couldn't process it. I hated socialising. I hated thinking or even smiling. There were no answers as to why me. I was constantly search for where was to fit in. I found comfort in the wrong people. I made bad choices. The whole experience caused me mental and emotional problems as an adult. Could it all have been prevented? Hindsight is a wonderful thing. Back then, I didn't know what depression & anxiety was. I didn't know suicidal thoughts weren't normal. I didn't know that my bad eating habits or a poor relationship with food was because of the PTSD I was experiencing. 

Bullying harms your character. It harms your mind. It harms your own perception of yourself. It stops you looking to the future. Have you ever heard the phrase "being bullied builds your character, just ignore it" This is bullshit. If you have ever said this to your child, please revisit the conversation. I am not saying there is something more drastic to find but all I ask is that you do not dismiss their choice to communicate their worries with you!

Going into adulthood in the early 2000's, I never thought I was good enough for anything because of the verbal scars; Phrases that today still can be a trigger. I didn't think I would have friendships, a good career, loving relationships, connections with family, to go to university, have money or find happiness. It wasn't until I hit crisis point and spent time unpicking my emotions & triggers, to really understanding myself to the core that I was able to acknowledge the verbal scars are not true. It took a lot of time. It took for me to hit crisis point for anyone to listen & start to feel like I was worth something.  One of the hardest parts of that journey was understanding how I felt & why. I have tried to not allow those historical experiences to affect important stages of life to date, but at times that has been a struggle. I have felt like I had to embark on a tick box exercise to test if I was worthy - Would I be able to reach the goals I have for my life? I know how to control those thoughts because my resilience and awareness of those moments is stronger now. 

“Don’t worry about failures, worry about the 

chances you miss when you don’t even try.” 

Jack Canfield

There is a BIG need for re-education around bulling and forms of such. Bullying is not just when you physically fight. Verbal abuse leaves more scars. This is seen more so now than ever in our adult based social world. Social media is a major catalysis for peer bulling with no strings attached because there is a screen to hide behind. We only have to look at the increase in celebrity suicides to understand the power that it now holds. Speaking from personal experience, as someone who spent many years facing bullies & the has had to heal as an adult - If you are a person who has written an abusive message or comment, or trolled another person for no reason other than your own personal judgements - you should be ashamed of yourself! Do you want to be the reason we have an increase in national suicide statistics?

This week is Anti-bullying week 2022. 

 REACH OUT 

The 2022 theme was built around a consultation with teachers and pupils across the UK. Pupils felt this theme empowered them to do something positive to counter the harm and hurt that bullying caused. 80% of schools in UK will marked this week in their school from 14-18th November. Reaching over 7.5 million children & young people. Anti-Bullying week is to remind everyone, in every community that reaching out and showing support is positive & will make a difference.